Christmas the ups and downs

Ok people its CHRISTMAS time again , not Holiday time, or any other PC BS name for it, since well i only celebrate Christmas. ..... anyways, around this time , Oct 5, 2007, my mom died suddenly, and well Christmas that year was shit, and has been since, but the pain has not been as raw this time around ,due to well i stopped expecting my mother to come in the door every time it opens when i am in Cobourg visiting family, or her voice when my cell phone rings. it has finally more or less hit me in the face, well a while ago it did , say the 2nd Christmas.

But i did call my sister or my aunt the 1st time it snowed since i would call my mother every time it snowed since i have lived on my own since college in 2000. as my Pastor Frank said this past sunday at Church, do something that makes YOU happy and not others but only you to ease the pain of a loved one's dead and remembering it over Christmas, like lighting a candle at their place at dinner, ( just dont knock it over when your fighting over something stupid that someone said ). what i have done is i write songs , or poetry, paint. or just talk about it. which help.

i dont know how others deal with it, i know some rather drug and drink them selves in a stoopper to "ease the pain" but when you wake up from said event the pain and memory are still there. and well its kinda lazy way out of it. The Grief share group helped me alot dealing with the pain and loss.

and Remember the REAL meaning of Christmas is about the birth of our (most of us) Savior Jesus. not about who made the best blank or who is better then who, or just bc they work for the government that gives them the right to treat the rest of the family like they are scum bc well that BS, i had to deal with that crap with some relatives, so if YOU also have family like that, best to avoid them all together, and spend time with family and friends that you DO like and that you DO enjoy being around and love to talk to.

if your finding it hard to get in to this Christmas spirit , well watch some CHRISTMAS movies, like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, or The Muppet's Christmas Carol. or even help in a soup Kitchen, something. just don't go nuts and have super crazy idea's for Christmas will be awesome, just have fun damn it! don't be all whinny and emo because its cold ( its still pretty warm here in Ontario ) outside and there STILL is no snow on the ground or you didnt get what you really wanted for Christmas. just enjoy it, b\c well it could never happen again. and remember AGAIN just have fun, b\c well in the end no one gets out alive .........

NO ONE! ....... ok .....

SOME get out alive..........

but not all........